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If you are joining us new, this entry is all fiction.  People google questions about celebrities every day and because I write about them, my blog shows up on the front pages.  People then click on my blog because they think I know the answers to their questions.  I do not and am not affiliated with knowing.  I just make up the answers for personal enjoyment.  I hope you are entertained. 

So now a twist, instead of giving you my first thoughts to the answers to these questions, I shall give you the thoughts I think the actual person who the question is about is thinking when they read this- does that make sense to you?  No?  Good.

“reese witherspoon subscriber cover” what is a subscriber cover ya’ll?

“monica arnold married” are they asking if I am?

“google images kiera knightley Chanel dress” oh, yes, that dress is quite lovely, let’s see what google shows.

“what issue of elle was kimora lee simmons in?”   who cares about Elle, just go to Kmart and buy my baby phat!

“kimora lee simmons desk”  like I said, who cares about my desk, worry about something you can spend your money on, like my baby phat.

“angelina jolie avon”  you just made me lose my lunch.

“what dress size is jennifer aniston”  I don’t understand why the public is trying to depict me by my dress size, I am healthy, I love my yoga and I am so sick and tired of talking about Brangelina.

“jennifer aniston favorite makeup”  I don’t wear makeup, I am Greek, we are all natural.

“how tall is monica arnold” girl, you need a ladder to kiss these lips.

“jennifer aniston’s black watch she wears on oprah”  oh, that was very expensive, well actually I didn’t have to pay for it, it was part of my smart water contract.

“what kind of eye makeup does Jennifer Aniston wear?”  you know that is funny, I just love anything that brings out my baby blues.”

“what size is kimora lee simmons”  I don’t have time for this.

“kimora lee simmons playboy” in your dreams, sugar.

“what size does beyonce wear” I really don’t know. 

“beyonce breast size”  (she shakes her head)

“what size breast does jennifer aniston have”  you know, I was just thinking I needed new bras, that is so funny, umm let’s see, uh, they are perfect, at least according to someone who should know…..  I am not going to mention his name… John,.. I mean John Doe…

 ”what kind of watch does jennifer aniston wear”  wow, I have never been asked that before…you know, I just really love the classic styles and…….  when I am doing yoga, I just forget about everything else……….

“what size does angelina jolie wear”  I don’t have time to discuss in-appurtenant topics when there are more important  exigencies in our world right now.

“playboy kimora simmons” for real?  I will take that as a compliment.

“kimora lee simmons who is their god”  everyone has their own, or believes in something different and like I tell Ming Lee and Aoki Lee, it is not ok to judge others based on their faith.

“kimora lee simmons is a size”  we don’t judge by size either.

“what size does reese witherspoon wear?” that is so weird to me, what does that matter, this really brings the issue that women are so fragile and unsure of themselves when they base everything on what size of clothing they wear.  That is why I support Avon.  If everyone would start out their day with some fresh Avon makeup,………….

“put yourself on vouge magazine”  this has Anna Wintour standing at the head of her conference room table, leaning over, peering at her employees  saying ’ who the hell is behind this?’ 

“pictures of eyeglasses jennifer aniston wears”  wowzer!  I just bought new glasses yesterday!  Now I can read all these great tabloid stories about how I am so miserable and lonely….NOT!

“the singer monica  arnold sexy photos”  oh honey, you should see the pictures me and my man took last night, woooo weeee….

“kid rock tennis shoes marketing”  all I can say is support Detroit, shop at The Kitty Gallery and at http://www.madeindetroit.com/

“Jennifer Aniston in a long sleeve dress”  I just bought a long sleeve dress this morning!  Unbelievable and the funny thing is, I was in L.A., you would think that I bought it in New York or something because of the snow.

“jennifer annsiton dresse with lace trim”  I really like lace trim dresses,  unfortunately I have this very sensitive skin and can not wear certain types of laces.  You will notice that I wear a lot of dresses without lace, like the one I wore to a concert a few weeks ago in……….well, I am not going to give it away…..

“is mariah carey lieing about her age”  can they spell, or what?

“how to get crazy eyeshadow”- well obviously you are not a very fun person to hang out with.  someone who does not know how to “get crazy” with me, the eye shadow.  Just take all your shadows, smash them up and mix them all together and put them on your cheeks instead of your eyes. 

“does jennifer aniston wear wigs?” a ha ha ha ha aaaa haha haha.  That is hilarious!  This is my real hair.  I know I have not changed the style in about ten years but, what can I say, I have white girl hair.  We just can’t do a whole lot with it.

“what job does kimora simmons have?”  (she doesn’t respond with words- she just lowers her head, widens her eyes, drops her jaw, you know the look)

“what make-up does Oprah Winfrey wear?”  I really like Jennifer’s natural look, I am going to have to get me some of that.  What do you think audience, can I pull it off?!!!!  We will be right back.

“what shoe size does beyonce wear”  It really depends on the maker, for real.

“is kimora lee simmons a christian?”  I try to be nice and treat people the way I would like to be treated.  We do that, right girls!

“did jennifer anniston do playboy?” a hahahahah aaaa hahahahah a hahahah ahahahhhh, you know I can’t say I haven’t been approached,  we will see how my next two movies do.

“OPRAH no makeup” girl, you better step back from your screen because it is about to blow up if you look at me with out makeup. 

“what kind of eyebrow makeup does oprah use”  Reggie, what is that there brown stuff you put on me every day?  Avon?  For real?  ……………we are going to have to have a talk about that.  Folks I have no idea, what he mixes up back up in there, ya’ll.  We will be right back with our special guest, author of the best selling book…

“dress worn by model on avon cover”  (dress is speaking remember)  please do not remind me that I was just on an avon cover.

“kimora lee january 2009″  I love my life!

“Keira Knightley?shoe size” what a fabulous question, you know, my mother always made fun of me because of my shoe size, she’d say, Keira Knightley, I don’t know if you will ever be fancied with feet like that….but you are such a giddy kipper so that might help.

“does oprah wear wigs” Ya’ll serious?   Folks, you know this is my hair, we have done show after show with me in the chair from start to finish…you have seen the transformation.  Wigs would be alot easier, I am telling you.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 at 10:28 pm and is filed under Tabloid Fiction Writer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.